You can be thankful AND want more

Happy November! 🍂

It's officially the season of gratitude lists, pumpkin-everything, and that one relative who asks "So... are you still doing that coaching thing?" somewhere between the turkey and the pie. 🥧 (I love you, family.)

I'm a pretty big believer in gratitude! And I have so much to be thankful for this year: my people, my clients, the community I've been building, and a dog who greets me like I've been gone for six months every time I walk in from taking the trash out. 🐾

And at the same time... I want more.

More impact. More adventures. More of the work that lights me up.

For a long time, saying that ("more") out loud felt a little uncomfortable. Like wanting more meant I wasn't appreciating what I already had. Full transparency: Every now and then I catch myself shrinking an ask so I don't come across as "ungrateful." 🙃

Maybe you've heard some version of these too:

🔸 "Be grateful you even have a job."

🔸 "You don't want to rock the boat."

🔸 "You're lucky they let you work from home."

These messages tend to land hardest on women and people from underrepresented groups, who often learn early that being agreeable and thankful is the price of admission.

Here's something I've learned after 13+ years in HR: gratitude doesn't show up on your paycheck.😅 I’ve sat in a lot of those meetings where leaders go down the list deciding who gets the raise or the promotion. More than once, I heard someone say ‘Oh, she seems really happy where she is,’ and just like that, the conversation moved on to the next name. 

Gratitude and ambition can sit at the same table. 

Honestly, our dog Cali has this figured out. She’s so grateful for her dinner, and then she sits right next to me and stares at mine the whole time I’m eating. 😂 She’s thankful AND she wants more, and she doesn’t feel one bit guilty about it. 

Here are a few ways to hold both:

✨ Say thank you, then say what's next ➡️"I really appreciate the chance to lead this project. I'd love to talk about what it could mean for my growth here."

✨ Notice who benefits from your silence ➡️ If staying "grateful" keeps you quiet about what you need, that's worth getting curious about.

✨ Define your own "more" ➡️ It might be money. It might also be flexibility, a new challenge, more meaningful work, or more rest. Wanting more is about alignment with what matters to you.

✨ Start small ➡️ Ask for the stretch assignment, the training budget, or the extra day off. Every ask builds the muscle for the bigger ones. 💪

You can be thankful for where you are and still believe you deserve to grow. That's a pretty healthy place to be. 

And if your "more" includes more money, November's Self-Advocacy & Leadership Hour is for you! This month we're talking all about asking for a raise. I’ve learned that the ask usually starts long before the actual conversation. It gets built in everyday moments, like how you show up in your 1:1s and whether your manager already knows about your wins. Come get some tools and get coached live if you’d like. It's a free, cozy hour of real conversation and practical tools. Come as you are and bring a friend!

📆 Thursday, November 19th 12:00 - 1:00pm PT📍  Zoom

➡️ Save Your Seat: https://luma.com/vo3ziafp

🌺 I'd love to hear from you: What's one thing you're grateful for this year, and one thing you're ready to want out loud? Please hit reply and share with me.

P.S. If you're ready to start asking for more and want a partner in your corner, coaching is a beautiful place to practice. Reply to this email and let's chat!