"Who dropped the ball?" isn't accountability

Happy October!

Something I've been reflecting on lately are my values: two of my top core values are honesty and vulnerability. When I look at the people I connect with most, at work and in life, they have something in common. They're self-aware. When they get something wrong, they own it. No excuses, no blaming others, no avoiding the issue. At work especially, that sounds like: "that was me, here's what I learned, here's what I'm doing about it."

I find that so refreshing, and it's something I practice a lot myself. When I make a mistake at work, I first take a moment to recognize what happened. Then I go to my manager (or whoever's appropriate), own it, and share what I'll do differently moving forward. Full transparency: I have a tendency to believe I make a lot of mistakes. So I'm learning that owning my missteps and being kind to myself about them have to go hand in hand. 💖

Ownership is also one of the most important traits a leader can have. And it's got me thinking about a word we hear constantly at work...Accountability.

It gets thrown around a lot in society today, and especially in professional settings - in meetings, performance reviews, and team values posters. But I often wonder if we truly understand what accountability truly means.

The myth I wanna bust: accountability = consequences

In a lot of workplaces, "accountability" quietly gets used to mean:

🔸 "Who dropped the ball?" (finding someone to blame)🔸 "We need to hold them accountable." (code for discipline or punishment)🔸 "I'm so sorry, I'm the worst, it's all my fault." (the inner version, where we beat ourselves up)

After 13 years in HR, I can tell you that none of these actually make people more accountable. Blame makes people defensive. Shame makes people hide. And when people hide mistakes, problems get bigger, not smaller.

Real accountability isn't about blame. It's about ownership and learning. Here's what that can look like:

✨ Name it, without the "but". "I missed that deadline" is powerful on its own. "I missed that deadline, but..." takes the power right back out.

✨ Own your part, not everyone's. Accountability isn't taking on all the blame. It's being honest about what was your responsibility.

✨ Focus on repair. If necessary, think about what you can do to make it right. Maybe a follow-up, a fix, a clear and honest conversation.

✨ Pull out the lesson. What would you do differently next time? This is where the growth lives.

✨ Then let it go. Self-compassion is part of accountability, not the opposite of it. If you're like me and your brain loves to keep a running list of every slip-up, try keeping a list of what you've learned instead. You can own something fully and still be kind to yourself.

For the leaders reading this 💜 Teams take their cue from you. When a leader says "I got that wrong, here's what I'm changing," it gives everyone else permission to do the same. That's how trust gets built, and it's how people start to feel safe speaking up before small issues become big ones.

🌺 I'd love to hear from you: What's a mistake you owned that actually ended up strengthening a relationship or your confidence? Hit me up and share with me.

P.S. If you want to get more comfortable owning your voice, your wins, and your missteps at work, coaching is a beautiful place to practice. Reply to this email and let's chat.

And if you lead a team and want to build this kind of culture, I'd love to talk about what that could look like for your group.